We will say we're fine every time We sob in secret, loud and wicked, unrefined We are good at love, sometimes better at pretend We break when we break when we forget where and how and why to bend We bring and we build and we burn for all of everyone else We could never say but wish a small something was for ourselves We creak between the sorry silence of worn out spaces We stay when you can't because we can handle the empty places
I cling to my ribs and I wonder every night - Ever do I ever do anything right?
Purse draped over my shoulder, Dinner's leftovers Tupperware'd and cradled inside a plastic thank you thank you thank you bag in my hand I pull at the purse straps as if to say, It's time for me to go already (I'm thinking about the dishes and Jeopardy! and the dog waiting for me at home) She doesn't notice though - Her rough hands slide over the sticky plastic of a wedding album, her second and a twenty-nine-year-old memory now Here's cousin Freddie and This is your grandmother and Tracy was just a baby then I know all these things, Heard every story a dozen times each
But she's my mother So I put down the leftovers and the purse And I listen again
The disease wracks your body Peels your mind Sliver by slick sorry sliver Mirrors lie - Or is it your broken bruised broken eyes? Excuses/ Bile/ Lava: Caustic and dangerous like a thousand decisions You never meant to make Regret And its toxic roots sunk deep into your skull Too deep to shake -
But tomorrow you'll be better Tomorrow you will be Okay (But these are nothing more than promises you promise yourself And always, Every time Break)